What is this life thing really all about?And why is being “human” so bad?

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately, and I’ve determined its weird, but not in a bad way. I just have such a different perspective on life now than I did when I was a kid vs 12 years ago vs even 2 years ago. Which makes sense, I suppose it is supposed to change with us as we grow and change as people. I remember as a kid and into my teens and early twenties (smack dab in the middle of my drinking career) how I wanted time to hurry up because I wanted to get to the future where life might be good. And the way I always imagined that (even as a little girl) was with a husband and kids of my own (although once I got really into my drinking days, that notion seemed totally lost). But either way, I just wanted time to hurry up. I never wanted to stay in the present moment because whatever was going on at the time was just “that bad”. So, I would wish for the future.

Then once I got to the “future”, the “other side”, the “good side”, then what? What happens then? Do we just live this life just like this in “perfection” until we don’t anymore? Until we go to the next life, whatever that looks like? And especially after having kids and watching them grow up so quickly (because unfortunately we can’t go on with having kids over and over again from now until forever….and I suppose who would want to?), I look at life so much differently and really realize just how fast it does go. And there is no way of stopping it or slowing it down as hard as we try or want it to. Time/life doesn’t work like that.

But why? Well, that question I simply do not know the answer to. Only God does and I think there is a reason for that. I am not in control. I am simply living out this one life like a movie, then replaying all the good and unfortunately sometimes bad moments over and over again. So, then I think what’s the point in all this? What do I need to get out of this and what do I need to give to other people? What is the “legacy”, the goal, the purpose? And why is being so “perfect” so important? Why is it not okay to show our human side, our “bad” side and need to lean into our “spirit” side?

Don’t get me wrong, I want to live in the spirit, I want the spirit to go on here there and every-where and I get where we need to try to live, act, and be in that way. But why do we need to admonish our human side and is it really that “bad”? We speak of being human when we talk about our character defects, the ways we are not perfect (like God) and things we need to work on and fix about ourselves. Now a lot of this I do agree with, because without this understanding about myself, I have no way of growing, changing, and molding myself into who I am today (unfortunately a lot of people still have trouble with this kind of thing because who really wants to focus on the not so good parts about ourselves and actually admit when we are wrong?). But I also beg to ask the question of why being human and imperfect is so wrong? Why making mistakes (and then owning up to them, apologizing, and trying to do better) is so wrong? When we say we are just human after all, what exactly does that mean to you? Does it give me an excuse for my “bad” behavior? Does it completely define me and leave out my soul or my spirit? Does being human mean that I am completely set apart from God?

Or can it mean that is just a part of me? Actually, I think that is the part that we need to 100% share with other people to keep it real and relatable. Is that how we connect to each other here on earth the best way we know how? I think so. But in reality, our souls are really probably doing all the work with connecting us to everyone and everything around us behind the closed doors we cannot see. Its just as us “humans” we can’t get on that level right now. A good friend in our community passed away recently and I wonder what he is doing at this very minute as I’m typing these words. If he could only show us the behind the scenes on what is really going on out there….one day I know. We sure do miss your “human self” around here Frank. But that Francis spirit I know is having the time of his life.

So, again I ask, what is this really all about? Life in general? I think its different for everyone. What I do know to be true for us all is we have this one life to live (gosh I used to hear this all the time when I was younger and it just didn’t hold the same meaning as it does now), we live it, then we go on to somewhere else. So, then what do we do with the time that we do have, however quickly or slowly it goes? For me, I know I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in the past, but without those I wouldn’t be where I am today, sharing about it and being able to tell my story. Because here on earth, I think that’s how you can relate to me and I to you. So, just for today I will keep doing just that. Keep sharing my story (the good, the bad, and everything in between) and keep living this movie we call life, as “just” a human after all. And is it really all that bad? Not if I keep living the way I have been living, on a new path, a new happiness, a new freedom, and helping all those that I can.