Waking up today vs then

I woke up the other day (praise God!) with children everywhere. I am still Mama milk cow to our youngest little 10 month-old princess, so she is with me most of the night and during morning wake up time. First thing I know I hear the pitter patter of little feet (our oldest and middle boys- 4 year old and 2 year old) who share their own room, come find me and “sissy” in our master bedroom (side note- truth me told I’m not sure you could call it “master”, its really just another room for the kids and dogs- my poor husband has but a sliver to sleep on at night). So here they come, up in the bed, feeding little girl, with one boy laying on top of me, and the other cuddling to the side of me. My first thought is “oh my gosh, its too early for this”, but my second thought is, ”Oh but I prayed for this”. And man did I pray for this. So, I just sat there for awhile (also because I REALLY did not want to get out of bed), with my 3 kiddos snuggled with me and a tear fell down my cheek, while a smile crossed by face and I was flooded with a memory….one of yesteryear.

Back in the day when I was drinking (12 years ago), my mornings looked MUCH different. Truthfully, I was for sure still drunk from the night before. If I had to work that day (and naturally I couldn’t drive already), then an absolutely amazing co-worker of mine would come to pick me up. She would text me when she was leaving her house (which I definitely did not respond to), then text me again when she got to my apartment and was waiting for me. She would pull in, park and light a cigarette (she knew she would be waiting for a while- God bless her, she put up with a lot). Only then would I get out of bed. I would stumble around trying to figure out if I had showered the night before (I have no idea why that mattered, because I certainly didn’t have time to shower now), then I would throw everything I needed (including sometimes alcohol) in my bag, find some clothes, make sure I had my cigarettes, phone, and wallet (because of course I needed that when I would need to go to the bar after work that day no matter the time), then finally head out the door into work. I would then try to get it together at work for the day, but usually I just stayed incredibly hungover until I could get my next drink, and God bless the moment that I could (because I was not a happy camper until then).

Now waking up, I don’t think about a drink. I do think about the million and one things I have to do for the day, but not a drink. I think about what I need to be doing for my kids today, who do I need to reach out to, what work I need to get done today, wanting to say good morning to my husband, what to cook for dinner, what needs to go on the grocery list, what errands I need to run, how to get to a meeting, what fun things to do with the kids today, when I might be able to get a break, etc. But nothing in there is about a drink. Can you believe that? And can you believe this is the life I get to live today? I don’t have to let people down. If I’m late, it really is because of the traffic (and the kids). I get to be of service today. Not what do I need to be doing for myself to make ME happy. It’s what can I be doing for someone else. What can I do for myself to better myself. What can I teach my kids today? Who can I help today? And thank God for that.