Leading by example…does it actually work?

The first book my friend and I read in our book study, was Let Them by Mel Robbins. If you haven’t read it, you should. My counselor and my sponsor tell me I shouldn’t use SHOULD as much (haha), but I WILL highly suggest everyone read it. So, thank you Mel Robbins for your realness, insightfulness, and just all-around knowledge of explaining just how we are as humans…what makes us tick…and some ways to help us be the best self we can be. One of the things that really stuck out to me and has stayed in my brain is when she talks about leading by example. So, we all know that we can’t make anyone do anything. I know as well as anyone especially in my drinking days you weren’t going to tell me nothing and then when you did tell me the truth about myself, I got defensive, and mean, and 100% butted you out of my friend group, which really just ended up being me, myself, and I (it turns out we do need people). And she tells us exactly this; if we nag and carry on with someone, telling them exactly what to do and how to do it, chances are they will end up doing the complete opposite. How am I with that today? Uhhhh… better? Keeping it real, I can still get defensive and if its anyone telling me that I am doing something “wrong” then I will absolutely take that personally….buuuut then I get to reflect and look at it as it really is. (It also helps talking to someone about it) And hey, maybe it is something I need to change or do differently.

But back to Mel’s theory, instead of telling someone that they need to do something or change in a certain way or just be different, we are supposed to lead by example. So, we do the thing that we want them to do, saying nothing, and hope a few days, months, years, down the road they will notice and decide for themselves that they want to do that too. Then they get to make their own choice. I get it. It all makes perfect sense. But if only that plan was completely full proof. Or we could execute it perfectly. And we can’t, we are human…so as much as we try to “lead by example” we will probably end up saying something at some point (that we shouldn’t say or even worse in a way we shouldn’t say it) and then just start the whole process over.

For me, I know that I want the people in my life to lead the best life possible, just like what I want for myself, and for some reason, I still feel like I know best, or I need to control the situation. But do I know best? Maybe not. I know I can only go off of my own experiences or what I have watched other people do. So, if I am trying to change some things and really making it a goal to be the best possible mother, wife, friend, daughter I can be (not that I was already doing that…some days are just better than others), then who’s to say someone else in my life isn’t doing the same thing, just in the way that they see fit. I don’t know. But what I do know, that just for today I can just keep doing what I’m doing for myself. Some things that I have started implementing in my life for me and my own improvement (in all this extra time I have hahaha) is Bible readings daily, devotional books, blogging, starting videos, coloring (it helps with stress), reading my “book club” book, as well as reading my Worthy book for the Bible study I have been a part of. I will occasionally write down my gratitude’s or just say them out loud. I’ve been trying to talk to God more. Now that I get to get out of the house on my own (with 3 kids), I’ve started going to the gym and taking the kids swimming. I meet with my counselor once every couple of weeks. And I keep up with my sponsor and girlfriends.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like it’s a lot. Like I’m overwhelmed and this is seriously a lot of work. But really, I think it’s a lot of work to do anything right? So, I just have to decide if I am going to do the work for “good” or “evil”. Will I act on my own instincts, my self-will? Or will I try to do something different? I know when I first got sober, I didn’t really understand the concept of “you only have to change one thing and that’s everything”. I just thought I had to put the drink down, but man it is so much more than that. I’ve got to do the hard stuff, the hard look at myself, and then being totally willing to change….everything. Because isn’t that the point? I don’t want to get sober and be the same person, doing the same things as I was before? Don’t get me wrong, there are still a lot of things I need to work on, change and improve with my mentality, my perspectives, my attitude, my thought processes, etc. But am I willing to try to do that today? Am I motivated to do that today? What are my motives today? Who do I want to be today? And keep my focus on that, because really just “Let me”.