How tired is too tired?

I remember writing a blog several years ago (before kids) trying to defend myself on being just that tired. How tired was I really? Tired, or so I thought. In today’s world we are tired… with or without kids, this job or that job, because we always have to be going and doing. That is how we prove ourselves. How much we can get done in the little time that we actually have. Now, what I do know now, that I am telling my younger self, is that I was NOT in fact tired then. Not this kind of tired. I thought I was tired, but I had no idea. Have you heard the word tired enough so far? Are you thinking if this girl says “tired” one more time I’m going to lose it? Well, you are in for it. Here are a few more “tireds” headed your way.

I am tired folks, especially being able to drive now. Because I can do all the things! And I want to do all the things! I want to do all the things away from home, running errands so my husband doesn’t have to, getting lunch out so myself and my kids might actually eat, going to the gym and pool (because I’m loving it although its quite exhausting with the kids), going to the park with friends or finding new cool spot for the kids to play and learn, as well as going to events around town. And then somehow I still have to find time to do all my “at home” work too, including all the housework- cooking, cleaning, picking up the never ending toys (they just keep appearing), and laundry, as well as taking care of our doggies and yard. Then there’s our business work that I do from home (I do the bookkeeping work for my husbands business that we took over in 2020) and have certain things I need to get done each week and each month, as well as just trying to spend time with our kids (having our little “preschool time” at home) and spending time with my husband.

Now looking back, when I did write that last blog, we had just taken over the business and I was still working for my previous job, as well as, my husband and I had lots of responsibilities and activities in our recovery community (which of course we still do today). And well, it just felt like a lot then. And it was, to me. Because I didn’t know any different. My husband and I had just taken over this business and we were so unfamiliar with parts of the work that we had to start doing, plus just the concept of owning our own business to begin with. That’s a lot. If you know, you know. And if you know about kids, then you know. Back then, I think I only half knew.

Bringing myself to present day again and in today’s society especially, we live in this world where in order for us to be “successful” we have to show all of our accomplishments…and they have to be a lot (like a Santa Clause list size). And then we have to tell every one about it. And then especially if we are doing something to help someone else (which is something my husband and I do on a daily especially being in the program we are in and obviously having kids…we are always doing for someone else), then we have to tell everyone what we are doing and who for and how much they appreciated it. For what? To prove ourselves and our self worth? To say that we are in fact good enough. And who are we proving it to? Everyone else, or just ourselves?

I’m tired just thinking about all that. All the things we are supposed to do, and the little time that we have to do it. Hurry hurry hurry to get it all done, then add 25 more things onto our to do list to start all over again (as my husband says once I get one thing done, I have to find something else to do), which I then respond but there is ALWAYS something to do. But then why do we think we have to prove we are so accomplished? Or is it something else entirely? Like if we finally sit still for more than 5 seconds, then what will happen? For me personally, I might fall asleep, or that means that I actually have to stop and look at myself, and that’s something that most of us don’t want to do. If I just keep going and moving then I don’t have to look at….the truth. But what are we really so scared of? What you think about me? Or what I think about me?

So, then what do I actually need to be doing when I’m this tired….mind, body, and soul tired. I think I do actually need to stop and just be. Be present with my family, my kids, my dogs, my friends….because we hear it all the time, but truly I tell you, everything else can wait. Nothing is as important (no “thing”) is as important as time with the people that I love, and that includes with myself (we can’t forget about that necessary ME time which for me looks like writing, getting my nails done, going to the gym, or just taking a really deep breath and talking to God for a second). No one is too tired for time. Let me leave the toys on the floor (and try not to trip over them), leave the dishes in the sink, push that one thing on my to do list to tomorrow and just BE. Be goofy with my husband (poking fun with each other while dancing and singing to kids songs), cuddling with our kiddos, watching them play together, watching my husband dance with our little girl, feeling the breeze outside, watching the birds and bunnies at our bird-feeders, appreciating that drive in the car that much more, enjoying that belly laugh with friends more than ever, having real deal authentic conversations, and getting those goose bumps as I’m experiencing this super cool life around me (just that life that I dreamed about so long ago).

Because when I’m just that tired, I need to rest, breathe, stop, be still, watch, listen, BE. I need to allow myself that time, because that’s an accomplishment in itself. I don’t need to prove anything to you or me, I just want to be ME…and experience all this life has to offer, because I think that’s really truly all we have. And then being able to pass it on to others, our time, experience, presence, and love. So just for today, I will stop and just BE…because why not? What’s the worst that can happen?