Freedom from [ fill in the blank ]

Last weekend I was able to attend the Freedom from Bondage Conference that comes to this area every March. I’ve been attending it ever since I was living in this area, the first being when I was a resident of a halfway house here in town back in 2014. It meant a lot to me then, but means so much more to me as each year progresses. It is a conference about carrying the message of “Alcoholics Anonymous” into prisons and jails around the country, trying to help as many people as we can. And those places of “residence” seem to be the most heavily populated with alcoholics such as myself. I know that whenever I got in trouble legally, I was most certainly drinking. It is a conference where people who have had experience on both sides of the doors speak and tell their stories, and then tell us all the ways we can get involved.

The stories are really always amazing to hear. So inspirational on how these people came from one side to the other, such as myself. If you don’t know in my story, I too spent time behind prison walls in early sobriety. It was a part of my story that I needed to participate in, part of cleaning up the wreckage of my past. I wouldn’t want to relive that experience, but I also wouldn’t change it either. It absolutely makes me… well ME. It’s a part of me, and then in turn I get to use that part of my story to help others. For example, I have been taking meetings into the local women’s jail since 2016. Before covid, we would physically go into the facility, two women and two men (women with women and men with men) and bring a meeting to the inmates every Friday. After covid, we were switched to doing the meeting on Zoom, which we couldn’t be more grateful to be able to continue to do them into present day.

For the last couple of years, I have been in charge of the women’s group, making the schedule, being the “AA” contact, and getting people involved. It has been one of my greatest joys I get to participate in today. Something that I could have never dreamed of doing in my previous life or wanting to do. Because who wants to be responsible enough and take time out of our busy schedule to talk to a bunch of inmates? And today, I say, who wouldn’t? If I can say one thing to help one person, or even to just plant a seed, its worth it to me. I get to stay sober today, I get to give back, I get to tell my story, I get to keep it “green”, reminding myself where I came from and where I really don’t want to be again. The cool thing about living this kind of life today, is I never have to go back to a place like that again (as a resident, that is).

I remember being in prison myself being scared as all get out, but also so happy at the same time. My counselor tells me I can have an AND in every situation; I am allowed to have different emotions even at the same time, and boy did I there. But I can also tell you, that the most peace I have ever experienced in my life happened in prison. This overwhelming, hairs standing up on my arms kind of feeling like its going to be okay. It was miraculous. I knew it was coming. I was attempting to prepare myself. I just didn’t know for how long. I was about 9-10 months sober at the time and thank God I was. I had a good foundation and good people in my life supporting me the whole time I was away. I signed my name on the dotted line stating I was willing to go away for 13-25 months for my crime (the state doesn’t take getting 4 DWIs in 7 years lightly). But the judge and God saw fit to only send me away for 5 months. Man, was I ready to go. I was probably the happiest person on the way to prison that they had ever seen. I was able to experience it, meet a lot of different kinds of people (really just people just like you and me), attend a lot of different kinds of meetings, share my story, and even start some of our own meetings. I was ready to get out there, don’t get me wrong. And now I get to be on the “other side” telling these ladies that I was once there too and I was able to get through it successfully. Whether they believe me or not. I barely believed those who brought meetings in while I was in there many years ago and I was even sober at the time. But I still had a hard time comprehending a totally different life.

And that’s really what it is. A completely different life. But I had to find my own bottom to get there. For me that was lots of internal and external factors. But at 25 years old, it was still a really hard pill for me to swallow. Like you are telling me this is really going to be my life from now on? No going out, hanging out with friends, laughing and carrying on while drinking, and no drinking ever again? No, just no drinking just for today. And now today, several years later, I don’t care about the drink anymore. And that laughing and “carrying on” I was talking about? I do that today. Even more and better than I could have ever imagined. Because I get to have real conversations today, be totally present, and really be happy, content, at peace, and have those for real belly laughs. I have the best friends and family I could ask for. The kind that I used to dream about in active addiction. Didn’t really think it was possible or even actually existed for that matter, but man am I here to tell you that it does. They say you will be rocketed into the 4^th dimension, and even on the hard days, in the challenging times, that couldn’t be more true. And thank God for that. Thank God for it all.