How sick do we need to get?

So, what kind of sick am I talking about here? All the sick: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. That’s me. There have been several instances in my life where I have been sick….not the just have a little cold sick, but really sick, where I am flat on my back, can’t get up, can’t move kind of sick. I remember when my husband and I got “covid” before covid was ever a thing and we were sick as dogs, couldn’t hardly function. I remember not only having pregnancy nausea but that combined with all of us having a God-awful stomach bug and I was flat on my back again. And currently our whole household (myself, my husband and our 3 kiddos) have gone through a rousing rendition of hand foot and mouth disease that even after a week doesn’t want to leave yet, hence as I am typing this to you, I can’t feel my fingers because they are so swollen and I’m doing everything in my power to not scratch my face off.

But then, there’s the other kind of sicknesses too that leave you face down, can’t breathe, can’t hold on, giving up. For me that was when I finally got sober. I gave up. I was tired. Tired of doing, tired of running, tired of it all. And tired of it being hard. Too much. If I could figure out how to drink well and not have all the “sickness” from it, then I might still be drinking today. But that wasn’t in the cards for me and wasn’t supposed to be. I was supposed to experience that kind of sickness, just like, as much as I don’t want to say it, maybe am supposed to be experiencing this kind of sickness now. Because everything happens for a reason, right? Everything that we go through and experience is for SOMETHING, right? Because if there was no meaning to it, then what would be the point, the lesson, the growth?

As much as I hate to admit it, I think this sickness truly brought me to my knees; God telling me to sit my butt down and take a break, as I’ve been running myself ragged. I would argue, well I’m making up for lost time, of course I want to do all the things for myself, the kids, jam pack it in since I haven’t been able to drive for so long, I’ve got to do it all. But as I was cancelling everything on my to do list for this past week, one by one, item by item, normally I would have felt some kind of guilt or dread in that (guilty for being sick and not “doing” as I should), but instead I’m trying to find a new perspective. Like every time I’ve been really sick, there’s a reason for it. The most straight forward reason would be to slow down, take a load off, take a break, spend more time with God, my family (especially since this is so contagious I can only spend time with family right now lol), etc. But maybe the even simpler reason is giving me an opportunity (yet again) to change my perspective and pay attention to the things that really matter.

Sound cliché? Maybe a little. And even a little silly, that a sickness like this would need to happen for me to have a reality check, but even so, there it is. And really, I’ll be the first to admit that to be the case. Just like for me to get sober, I had to get hit on the head (figuratively) pretty severely for me to wake up and do something different, perhaps this is the same idea. So, then I would ask all you fine folks, where are you getting “hit on the head” today? Where are you needing to wake up? To do something different, to change your perspective, to look at yourself and your life differently? How much will it take for you to change? How sick do you have to be? And can you even admit it? And hey, this goes out to all the folks out there, alcoholic or not. Because really, I believe we are all just in this boat together. Ironically enough, we all get sick, some of us just deal with things differently than others, but unfortunately usually most of our coping tactics (drinking or otherwise) are not the best, so that’s when we have to be willing to do something different. Look at things differently. Instead of baulking at the sickness, let it come, ride the wave, and see where it takes us, see how it might open our eyes.

But hey God, just an FYI, it’s been about a week of this now, maybe could we be about done with the sickness? I think I’ve got the point now. Lol Or you know, you do you God. Like I said, I’m just along for the ride. But maybe next time, I could figure out what you are telling me before getting the plague of the century, that would be great. It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine.