Authenticity.. keeping it real
From early on when I got sober, I decided that I wanted to be as real as possible. I remember before I got sober I wanted to change myself so that I could fit in because that's how I thought I would be loved and how I could belong. So I would change everything. I would change the way I looked, the way I acted, the way I talked, the things I would say, the accent I would use.. just so you would like me. Or so I thought. But that's not keeping it real because that's not who I am. And of course as we grow up we have to figure out who we are because we don't exactly know in our early days, our early years. So now since being sober for almost 12 years I maybe have almost figured it out.. But I am okay with being me. Don't get me wrong, there are parts of me that I still don't care for and I want to improve. But for the most part I act like me. I don't act like you. I act like me. And that's a big thing that this book talks about is being authentic.. keeping it real... And having the courage to do so. To be real enough to show our imperfections to set boundaries and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Because from that then we can show our strengths and our struggles and hope that someone can relate. Or judge.. because unfortunately that's still a lot of what our society does. Because when we truly figure out who we are and be authentic and keep it real and say all the things about us, the good and the bad all the uncomfortable things... Then what is everyone going to think of us? Will they find us inspiring or will they be uncomfortable themselves? But what the book says is being true to ourselves is the best gift we can give the people that we love.. including ourselves. And so far I've found that to be true. The book also says when acceptance or approval become my goal it doesn't work out. That can trigger shame for me as in I'm not good enough. (I've heard that my whole life.) If the goal is authenticity and they don't like me, I might feel disappointment, frustration, or even grief... But I'm okay. So just for today I will continue to be me, I will continue to speak my truth, and I will continue to be as real as possible with everyone in my life.